the esoterics of ladytao

angry love:

2011-01-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

is it worth it and can we survive it.

abuse of the soul, mind and body.

we live for it and we die for it.

we can't help ourselves because we keep going back.

we go back because we need to fix the wrong that excites us, that part of us that makes us feel alive.

the part that feels, but when we go seeking feelings more often than not we end up with pain.

and pain is a chain reaction, one that never ceases to explain why we hurt the ones we love.

borrowed time by cakehole presley

2007-08-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

this is the perfect song,
interesting name for an artist
the melody will definitely put you in a space that feels like your a traveling gypsy, roaming over hills and going from one village to the next, in covered wagons.......
that's the life
no worries..........

gratitude

2006-11-15T06:17:00.000-08:00

the esoterics of ladytao
gratitude is an attitude,
we expect too much from individuals when we give something to them.
we think them to be less of us because they ask for something from us,
that would be because those individuals have the nerve, the gall to ask favors of us,
"how dare they, don't they realize i have something better to do"
or better yet;
"how dare they, they should have planned better"
so then I ask how can we expect anything less when we are treated as such.

creating One's SELF

2006-10-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

http://blog.myspace.com/esotericsofladytao

we don't realize how much we re-create ourselves on a daily basis.
that is why we need a good nites sleep so we can re-invent ourselves.
that is why sometimes we feel as if we don't know who we are when we awaken.

we are given a chance to wake up and start over every morning,
so we goofed up,
so we fell on our face in front of a dozen people,
only we can fix what we wronged or we can be stubborn and keep re-living the event of the past.
so i say to you GOOD MORNING,
today i shall put my best foot forward and move into the next phase of my life no matter what that may be.

knowing the truth

2006-10-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao
knowing the truth and knowing what's going to be
not always a good thing,
not always a bad thing,

it's no wonder why so many of us are in denial.

knowing, doing, accepting
too much work for most people.

it's just easier to have someone else tell us what we already know.
don't you think???????

at arms length

2006-10-02T00:40:00.000-07:00

just when you know that everything is going to be alright
that it's finally your turn,
that cosmic bully comes by and shoves you out of the way and makes you lose your place in line.
and for the life of you, you just can't remember where you were.
and it feels like you've been shoved to the back of the line
and once again you wait and wait patiently,
and just as it's your turn because this time it wasn't so hard to get to where you are,
and you know in your heart that everything is going to be alright,
the cosmic order gets changed up again,
beginning to feel as if your climbing the stairs in Harry Potter,
yea! you know your feeling like the higher you climb, the harder it gets to jump to the ground,
because now you can't see it any longer, so you just keep climbing.
almost there, and something cosmic comes flying at you and you don't know how you ended up where you began.

by now it's not about all the climbing,
or being shoved out of line,
or missing your turn again,
but the question that burns in your gut is; "if i ask why, will i have more delays in my life?"
so at what point do you refuse to move and shove back, or yell and scream and have a temper tantrum; " WHAT THE HELL?
I'm doing the right thing............"

Now you cowl at the thought that you just pissed off someone at the top and they just like messing with you.
so now i ask, if i continue to ignore all the delays in my life am i going to ever get what just passed me by.

ask and you shall receive

2006-09-23T00:18:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao
ask and you shall receive is such a simple concept,
yet it baffles us when we get what we asked from GOD, the Universe...
ask and you shall receive is such a simple concept
that when GOD created us, and set us free I know that the last thing he whispered in our ear was
"ask and you shall receive"

smile, laugh, it's okay

2006-09-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao

breathing is natural,
yet we take lessons to learn how to breath.
i find this amazing how we pay others to teach us the simplest things in life.
it's as if we were thrown here on this planet without a manuel. it makes me laugh to know that people pay big money to people to teach them the simplest of things.
if you don't know how to do something,
take the time to look around, usually someone else is doing exactly the same thing as you are
trying to figure out life.
just smile,
fake it and move on
eventually you'll realize that what your doing and the way your doing it is the way it's suppose to be anyway.
just trust in yourself,
just smile and know your doing it right,
just laugh and know it's all okay.

spirit always knows

2006-09-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao

today i made a dedication to a dear friend of mine,
to my surprise i mistakenly made the dedication on her page and not mine like i had intended.
but things work in mysterious ways for a reason.
i have learned not to question the ways of SPIRIT
but to accept the reasoning
which brings about new found understanding.
thank you again

wrong number

2006-07-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

wrong numbers don't only apply to phone calls.
they apply to the wrong number of people in a group, especially when your trying to get on a ride at an amusement park or want to all sit together for a meal.

wrong numbers that apply to not winning the lottery or better yet when you do then there is way too many people to share the money with, not to mention all the people who come into your life that you haven't seen in a life time in a half, or those long lost relatives who should have stayed lost to begin with.

wrong numbers that apply to the number of hours you worked and the numbers in front of the decimal point don't seem to add up.
or
the countless pages you've read over the years don't add up to the factual events of your life.
better yet how about the wrong numbers that we right down and come to find out we transposed them and end up dialing the wrong number, or driving to the wrong address, or late for an appointment that could have changed your life forever.
so does someone intervene and thats why we have WRONG NUMBERS.
wrong numbers,
they say our lives are designed by numbers.

food for thought

2006-07-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

difficult people come and they go in our lives
To view the most difficult person you know and see them for what they really are is the easy part, truly accepting them for who they are is the hard part.
It was taught to me this way:
Always remember that for every difficult person that comes into our life we create understanding whether we accept it or not.

to view each person as if you were looking into a mirror can bring the problem that keeps resurfacing over and over again to a halt.
that is of course if that is what you want.
i say that only because if you don't want it to stop, i mean the chaos (and believe me we all do this to ourselves).
we create a situation of chaos, because that is all it is, it's not a problem.
it only becomes a problem when we allow it to be a problem.
you see most people who go from one chaotic situation to the next are very comfortable with the chaos of uncertainty. they look forward to the next event in there life because without it they feel they would have no existence.
so
to see each person as a mirror of yourself allows you to fix what is wrong in you so that you can once again have peace.
example: let's say there is someone in your life that is very critical of your every move.
now is the time to look very closely at your own life and ask and answer
honestly if you are critical of yourself in anyway shape or form.
when you admit to yourself that yes you are very critical of yourself,
now you must ask yourself why am I critical of myself, who made me believe
that i am the way i am.
was it taught to you, was it ingrained in you, and the person who taught you
how to be this way are they too very critical of themselves or only those around
them.
were not looking to put blame on anyone, that includes ourselves what we are looking for is to bring UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE. once we bring understanding than only can we be accepting of our own mistakes, because it's so much easier to blame the other person than ourselves.
so yes! you will always be wrong in the light of others, but you will always be right in the light of GOD.
so ACCEPTANCE is the key to solving the chaos of others. take their power to hurt you away by accepting what they say. eventually the chaos they insist on creating for you will disappear because it will no longer be fun for them to create chaos when you put out the fire as soon as it begins.
it's like saying to the stranger: wow, you look really bad today, are you sick or something?
your response: NOPE, i feel great. how are you feeling today?
you just bounced back the chaos to them.

just breathe

2006-07-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

sometimes that's all it takes to find solace we are looking for
so JUST BREATHE
it will bring you back to center, as you allow the tensions of the day slip away.

unConditional

2006-07-09T22:50:00.000-07:00

Un-to undo something and make it not work.
Conditional-to need to have something replaced for giving something up.

Un-CONDITIONAL LOVE:
do we even know how to give something to another person without requesting something in return let alone ask for UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. yet we do it all the time.
wanting love and giving ourselves fully to someone unconditionally and expecting love in return for the favors we bestowed upon another.

yet we preach to one another of the tireless giving we bestow to another and wanting recognition for what we gave or acknowledgement for things we did.
so how different is recognition from acknowledgement or for that matter expecting from UN-conditional.

there are very few persons that can totally give entirely massive amounts of energy and love to another and not expect to be THANKED.

to those people i bow down my head to you,
and thank you for your unconditional effort and hard work that makes my life easier as i walk along this path of human exsistence.

the hunger for what we can not have

2006-07-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao
we search and search and all we seem to end up with is fool's gold.
almost at the end of the rainbow and suddenly as quickly as it appears, it disappears.
just as love comes so easily for one, understanding what we have is often too late.

yet the GODS take pity on us
or do they just tease us with what we are not destined to have.

i think they take pity on us,
they know how lonely it is ,
but what we get to keep is usually not what we had hope for, because deep down inside we don't feel like we have earned the right to be happy.

so we take what comes our way as if it were a handout from the GODS above,
while deep inside we crave and hunger for what our neighbor has, not knowing they too crave and hunger for what they do not have.

seeing thru the eyes of a child

2006-07-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

everything is so bright,
everything is so new,
everything is such a wonder.

seeing the colors of the day so bright and full
seeing things with no expectations
seeing with awe

"sorry did you say something; I was watching the pretty butterfly that just caught my eye!"

New-ness

left alone to our own de-vices

2006-07-02T07:15:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao
how often we wish to be left to our own vises.
so we can do exactly what we wish
so we can go exactly where we want
we travel so far away;
mentally, emotionally draining all those who care for us
with no concern of the future or its consequences.

so we wish to be left alone because the family and friends who love to mettle can no longer help.
so to HELL with them all
as the heart breaks with every thought and tongue lashing that comes uncontrolling out of our mind and mouth.
we can't seem to control what drives us to dis-associate ourselves from those whom we really want to save us from ourselves.

OTHERSIDE OF THE COIN: fulfilling promises

2006-06-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao: fulfilling promises
it has been brought to my attention that even though my thoughts may be so;
"Eventually we will find (mostly in retrospect, of course) that we can be very grateful to those people who have made life most difficult for us.-" (true, true)
Ayya Khema, "When the Iron Eagle Flies"
we must also give gratitude to those who bring us such grief, because they make us angry which forces us to confront a part of ourselves that we rarely like to admit is there.
ultimately we ask ourselves what brought about this burst of frustration?
so once again the lesson begins and we seek out in ourselves,where it all began so that we may better understand ourselves.
thank you for teaching me not to hate you
thank you for teaching me to tame my anger
thank you for teaching me i do love you
thank you for teaching me to be a better student

fulfilling promises

2006-06-27T00:27:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao
making promises is the easy part,
fulfilling them is a totally different thing.
what one person has in mind is usually different than what the other person expects.
kinda like religion,
so i ask is making promises even worth it when someone else is given the chance to pick your hard good intentions apart.
that usually comes from someone who is ungrateful for what has been given to them, so they see no good in what others give them because it is never enough to ever please them, no i believe it is their troubled minds that cannot find satisfaction.
i think that is what Jesus meant when he said; "father forgive them for they know not what they do"

even buddha has bad days

2006-06-22T23:10:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao

the student visits with the master because they have no place to turn.
the student askes permission to speak; the master as always receives the request without hesitation.
the student begins to express all the failings that are happening to them at the moment; as the master sits and listens.
the student then begins to notice, that the master is not giving full attention to them and begins to get upset because here is the one person that always has time to listen.
the student then begins to notice that the peace that normally surrounds the master is not there, yet the student continues to tell their story.
the student while continuing to speak is noticing the master's presence of mind is not in this lesson.
the master sits perfectly still, is trying very hard to stay focused on the subject at hand.
the student begins to change the tone of urgency to curiosity and concern, because now what was so urgent to the student is no longer so important, the student is beginning to realize that something serious is wrong with the master because not only is the master's presence of mind not there neither is the presence of character, the smooth, polished lines that only energy can feel is missing. even though the person is present, but the mind and body are not. the feeling of dismay and discontentment come forth and the moment the master is asked the most important question of the moment, "ARE YOU OKAY?"
it's like the dam broke and the student is then bombarded with all that is happening to the master at once, that it feels like they were hit by a whirlwind of reality.
the student then becomes silent and tries to be the ear that the master always is, yet the student begins to feel inadequate and wants so desperately to say the right things to comfort the master and begins to say anything that is similar to the experience.
that is when the master stops and looks over to the student and says, "THANK YOU, FOR ASKING AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING".
it's not what the student said at all, but that the student realized the master needed aided and comfort also.

thump

2006-06-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao

ever feel like you've gotten a big cosmic slap on the back of the head,
or better yet how about the thump that say's "hey stupid get a clue"
that's what happens when the cosmos are trying to help us but were to blind to see.

i don't know about you,
but i sure have gotten enough thumps on the back of the head to know now who's knocking at my door
or dropping apples from the tree on top of me.

and even thou i know that i'm being directed with a big yellow sign i still take the road less traveled
and end up with no food or water, or stuck in the mud with no one around to help. it still never stops me from going that path again.

"Stupid is as Stupid does"

so yes we deserve to be stuck up in the tree if the ladder falls because we were too lazy to secure it,
or better yet,
we deserve to get lost in the forest because we left bread crumbs and the birds thought we were feeding them
instead of leaving string so they could make a nest.
i still think we should have brought the compass, or those pretty little rocks we found along the way, you know the shiny ones that would have left a glitter in the sky so someone could find us.

this is why the GODS above wagger on us
why they laugh at our expense
why they come from far away galaxies to see the human side of life
they just can't help themselves

peace of mind

2006-06-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

finding the peace of mind to determine whether or not to take the next step is more frightening than actually finding the stillness in our minds to trust the GODS with something we all find so precious to us.

the answer we seek, no matter what the question may be.

the answer is as simple as accepting what stands so boldly in our face.
the Gods don't stand idly by as we pray on our knees,
but are so busy trying to get our attention we keep bumping into it over and over again that we have tripped over it so many times that we don't even feel the bruises anylonger.

the esoterics of ladytao: understanding karma

2006-06-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao: understanding karma

i've always taught that karma is not a bad thing, but actually a good thing.
just lesson's unlearned yet

inspiration of pain

2006-06-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao

wow, how do you recover after such a out pouring of your soul which is a direct result of pain from the heart more so than the soul.
such clarity of what the plan of destiny has been laid out if you really think about it.
the man we all worship had to experience pain in the most upmost way for us to understand his message.
we do have the messages of the GOD'S inherently ingrained in all of us.
i find that after such an out pouring of the soul,
like the spring rain it brings such clarity and newness that nothing can compare to the answer that was received.
this is the silence and beauty i've experienced when i have achieved ultimate bliss through meditation of the mind.
at this point nothing more can be said, until the next painful or joyful experience happens.
so until then

understanding karma

2006-06-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao

sometimes understanding the lesson of your behavior is not enough to justify your underlying karmic actions of the past.
i realized today, that watching those you love get hurt is understanding what pain you yourself have put others through as they sat helpless knowing that for every helping step they took,
took you farther and farther away from your true lesson.
as a parent watching your children suffer, while the universe holds you hostage so you can stand by and actually say " I'm sorry, I can't help you"
as you hear your child's desperate calls to you, to help them from drowning in the pit of pain they have dug themselves into, because they too were to stubborn to listen to the wise path of the elder.
oh, such pain, your heart breaking at every call they beg to you for help.

just as the GODS watch from above the very mistake they wagered on among themselves that we would help the needy because it's in our nature as humans to try to take the pain of another away.
when we make a mistake we don't realize how many person's we involve in our drama.
because when we're young and indestructible nothing matters.
so as the child learning to walk for the first time, we must let them fall and hurt themselves so they know such pain, that they don't do it again.
we know as parents that they are not indestructible or immortal, but they don't and until they realize for the first time how to protect themselves they grow up to understand the boundaries that separates them from hurt and pleasure.

ultimately it is our own pleasure that gets us into hurt and pain.
we open the pandora's box;
which brings curiosity; which leads to wonder: what if's, that bring about those people who are so willing to show us the way.....
which then leads down the path of self destruction. we then take person after person down this path because we know that it's in our nature as humans to follow the weak to keep them them from hurting themselves and once we've hit rock bottom and know that for every end there is a beginning.
we head back up the road of self discovery only to begin to find such resistance from those we have tricked into following us.
oh yes! let me not forget those of us who walked the same path and want to show you how much you are like them.
shame, humility, lust, and pain = karma...... or does it.

karma is everyone of those descriptions i mentioned.
karma is the us trying to help by turning our back on them when they need help.
karma is knowing that someday you're going to pay for your indiscretions. karma is feeling real pain in every sense of the word. from the beginning to the middle as a standbyer to the end where whether your intentions were good or evil, you and everyone involved will have to learn the lesson being taught as well.

you may be the student to start where you become the teacher as you begin to show restraints to only end up the master of the entire lesson, because you lived to tell about it after they have come to rest upon your stoop.

this is truly understanding karma and knowing that saying: " i told you so " or that " I knew you were going to do that ".

let's not curse the next generation with our karma, let us show understanding instead.

ode to june

2006-06-12T02:05:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao

losing junie,
today amena and a roy are going to go fishing but this time they will be taking with them junie our turtle because in the short time we have had her she has grown too big for her aquariam. everyone is sad because she has such a personality. but the best thing for her is to be returned to her natural habitat. we were going to have to let her go in the fall before winter set in because she is growing so fast.
she tries to do flips in the tank and always gets clipped by her dock all the time, she loves diving. we'll all miss her and her funny antics. i've never seen such personality.
especially when she is trying to tan, she would center herself on the flat rock that is at the top of the landing dock and stretch out her legs, sometimes up against the glass as if she were getting her legs waxed or nails done.
both roy and amena say the lake they are taking her to has other turtles and plenty of fish, it's very clean and a safe enviroment for her to have a family according to amena, because having a family is very important.

loosing face

2006-06-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

the esoterics of ladytao
my daughters went running and just as i was about to say how was the run. one of them tells me that she was bitten by the dog down the street.
my feelings are mixed, i'm angry, i'm concerned. Luckily the skin wasn't broken and she just has to live with the bruising on her leg. i called 911, as you expect to speak to someone as soon as the first ring, i'm shocked by the continuous ringing.
helloooooooo, isn't anyone working today, i mean after all it is 911. i'm glad she didn't get run over, hit by a bus, or worse in this neighborhood get shot. finally the dispatcher picks up and now i'm at a loss for words.
i've lost my temper, my peace of mind. i ask what is the procedure to report the dog, i'm given it, i'm happy about the answer. i relay it to everyone waiting for an answer and they are appalled that i would take such a lax action.
but really what good is it going to do for me to go and yell at my neighbors, look stupid because i don't speak any spanish and end up coming home really pissed off.
i'll wait til tomorrow to file my report with the humane society, walk down there and try and find someone to translate for me, if they even knew there dog got out and bit my daughter and make them aware that they've been reported.